Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • From the author of Come as You Are and co-author of Burnout comes an illuminating exploration of how to maintain a happy sex life in a long-term relationship.
“Emily Nagoski is a national treasure—helping us all understand how to finally build true, joyful, confident sex lives.”—Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed
In Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski, PhD, revolutionized the way we think about women’s sexuality. Now, in Come Together, Nagoski takes on a fundamentally misunderstood subject: sex in long-term relationships.
Most of us struggle at some point to maintain a sexual connection with our partner/s or spouse. And many of us are given not-very-good advice on what to do about it. In this book, Nagoski dispels the myths we’ve been taught about sex—for instance, the belief that sexual satisfaction and desire are highest at the beginning of a relationship and that they inevitably decline the longer that relationship lasts. Nagoski assures us that’s not true.
So, what is true? Come Together isn’t about how much we want sex, or how often we’re having it; it’s about whether we like the sex we’re having. Nagoski breaks down the obstacles that impede us from enjoying sex—from stress and body image to relationship difficulties and gendered beliefs about how sex “should” be—and presents the best ways to overcome them. You’ll learn:
• that “spontaneous desire” is not the kind of desire to strive for if you want to have great sex for decades
• vocabulary for talking with partners about ways to get in “the mood” and how to not take it personally when “the mood” is nowhere to be found
• how to understand your own and your partner’s “emotional floorplan,” so that you have a blueprint for how to get to a sexy state of mind
Written with scientific rigor, humor, and compassion, Nagoski shows us what great sex can look like, how to create it in our own lives, and what to do when struggles arise.
Praise for Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections
“This is not only an accessible, gentle-hearted guide to a still-taboo topic; it’s a fascinating exploration of how our most intimate connections cannot just endure but thrive.”—ELLE
“Every couple I see in therapy comes in with cultural myths and misperceptions about sex that get in the way of the connection they desire. Emily Nagoski gifts us with an illuminating, relatable, and often funny book that completely reframes how we think about sex in long-term relationships. Come Together is a game-changer and should be required reading for every couple who wants to reimagine what great sex can look like.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and co-host of the Dear Therapists podcast
“Come Together is a revelation! It gives us the permission to redefine intimacy on our terms through engaging storytelling and science. It’s time we replace shame and obligation with exploration and pleasure. A must read!”—Eve Rodsky, New York Times bestselling author of Fair Play
“Come Together is wise and deeply comforting. Once again, Emily Nagoski is dismantling myths about sexuality and giving everyone permission to discover what is already true and love what they discover.”—Angela Chen, author of Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex
“The blend of science and storytelling that Nagoski’s readers expect is on full display throughout this affirming, inclusive guide, which has the potential to transform readers’ sex lives and their general well-being. . . . An essential purchase.”—Library Journal (starred review)
“Empowering and pragmatic . . . Nagoski’s prose is spry and inviting as she marshals research and anecdotes (many featuring nonbinary couples) to dispel notions of ‘normal’ sex, ban sexual expectations and judgments, and advocate ‘liv[ing] with confidence and joy’ in one’s body. It’s a valuable resource for anyone looking to spruce up a subpar sex life or make a good one better.”—Publishers Weekly
“Come Together is an inclusive, good-humored, and reassuring book that offers something for every couple in a long-term relationship.”—BookPage